Is time envious or did I manage it badly. I have always had 24 hours a day since I was born and I still have 24 hours now. Nothing has changed. Time is short not because Allah has taken minutes or hours off my 24 hours. Time is short because I am more occupied to doing things that I like though there are times when I have to do things that I don’t like…haha..thats how I see time. My friends will laugh when they see I have revisited this blog again. Its been awhile. Time has always been my reason for not writing…why you may ask..I still don’t have an answer to that…haha…just leave it be and let me just pen what I have been meaning to write.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have been there for me. I am strong because I have strong people to support me…my late dad was there when I needed guidance, my late mom who recently passed was instrumental in my professional development, my siblings have always been supportive in my ventures, my nephews and nieces have always treated me with care and respect, my uncles and aunties have always been giving me encouragements, my cousins have always offered me a shoulder to cry on when I needed one and my friends who have added more colors to an already colorful life of mine. I needed constant reminder of the blessings I have in life and writing this will remind me always of these awesome individuals. You know who you are.
When life takes a different turn, only then do we reflect and I wouldn’t want to do that anymore. I have done that too many times and with the blessing of ALLAH I want a change on how I operate in the coming years of age. I welcome positive comments to make me a much better person than I am now. You, the one reading this is encouraged to right me when I am wrong. I might lose my bearing when I am intoxicated with life, I might offend in my pursuit for something better for myself therefor I seek you to correct me for I am just human and I make a lot of mistakes and I don’t want to offend no more. It’s a tiring game and I will always lose in this game because I suck at it…lol. I learned a lot over the years.
My most treasured lesson is to appreciate life as it is. Love life and love the people who dwell in it. Have you ever procrastinated doing something for your loved ones? Do that no more because it’ll be a regret that we will never be able to make amends once its lost. I have always wanted a ‘me’ time. I envy people who have had that luxury. I wont deny I do have the ‘me’ time but its not enough. I want more..I want it all to myself. But I am not an island and there are people who depended on me be it my time or my shoulder to cry on. Wished I could just go about my own business but deep inside I am obligated to offer such assistance, not because I have to, not because I need to but because I liked to. I am an addict…I get addicted to solving life riddles and it can take a toll on me most times but its what I decided to venture…weird you may say & I tend to agree too…lol…I love life and I love happiness and I am in constant search. I found it in my zikir, I found it in the love I receive from my family, I found it in my job and I found it from the people I meet on my daily commute. Its everywhere.
The recent passing of my soul mate, my most treasured love, the most precious and priceless piece of my heart, has a taken a dramatic turn in my life. Now I am alone, with no none to come back home to. I will be missing that familiar face that is always eager to see me at the beginning of day before I head for work…I will be missing that familiar face that is always welcoming my return from work…I will be missing that familiar call which acts as an alarm clock reminding me to get ready for work and she will say “Bangun gik nak, terlajak laris kelak oii” …I will be missing that familiar phone call, always checking me out whether I have taken my breakfast or my lunch while I am at work…I will be missing that familiar call asking me to get something on my way back from work… I will be missing that familiar call checking whether I have safely arrived home on my many late nights out… I will be missing that familiar call on family gossips of who did what … I will miss that constant reminder that it is passed my bedtime when I stayed up late to finish my assignments…I will miss late night toast and butter, a favorite of hers… I will miss the food hunting together…above all I will miss HER, MY MOM.
Loving you was easy MOM, losing you was hard.
I want more time with her but it is not I who decide. Allah has the upper hand. It’s the Qada and Qadar which I have to abide. Had I known her time was due, I would have given her the universe. But that’s the luxury and privilege which I do not have. Often times we wanted to do more only when its not there. Alhamdulilah, I have done my part, to both my parents by providing them not wealth but love and care. I do not own a multi million-dollar business, I am just an ordinary guy next door who earns peanuts but I dare own up, that I have a multi million-dollar heart that solely belongs to both my parents. I have no regrets though I wished there’s more that I can give, but being human I can only provide them so much. I hope they have been happy with all that I managed. I believe parents will always be happy with whatever we give them no matter how little. Never do they complain…because we will always be their gem…a precious gem regardless whether we have done them injustice in our daily dealings.
I will weep, I will cry not because I am weak but because I love and miss you loads MOM.
For those whom she has wronged, please have it in your heart to forgive her for she was also human.
Jutaan terimakasih di ucapkan kepada mereka yang telah terlibat secara langsung dan tidak secara langsung dalam pengurusan jenazah Allahyarhamah dan juga atas doa kalian.